Introduction

Hello, I'm a 35 year old girl who is seeking to use self hypnotherapy as a tool to control the worries and pain associated with living with terminal cancer. 

I was diagnosed with cancer in December 2010. Then, in January, I was told that a CT scan had shown that the cancer had already spread to my liver and was therefore incurable. I was told that my life expectancy was "18-24 months". 

I didn't panic when I was first told I had cancer. In fact, I have never properly broken down and wailed about it or anything. I remained calm and immediately thought, OK, this sucks but what can I do to help myself? My consultant recommended surgery, so I signed up for that at once and had it ten days later, on 18th December. I have spent a lot of time in hospital throughout my life (having been born with serious spinal problems) and so I don't have a fear of hospitals. I did a bunch of research and drastically changed my diet, as there is a lot of anecdotal evidence for various types of foods helping to fight cancer. This was basically just a lot of very healthy eating, rather than being faddy. I went through six rounds of chemotherapy and then in August a PET scan returned the result of "No Evidence of Active Metabolic Disease" - for that moment, I was considered to be cancer-free. However, having Stage 4 cancer means that it is expected to come back soon, so I have to take drugs and have scans every three months.

Obviously, like a lot of people with a "terminal" diagnosis, I don't really want to believe it. I try not to think about it too much; after all, I could still be hit by a bus tomorrow, just like anyone! I'm pretty good at keeping positive and calm, but I really want to get some tools in place to help myself maintain this. Stress is very, very bad for anyone with cancer, and I don't want to waste time being anxious and feeling low.  I want to live my life as much as I can, and enjoy myself as much as I can. I did have a blog about my cancer treatment for a while, until I realised that I didn't want to actually think about it any more than I had to! Around the time I was diagnosed, Jo Yeates was murdered in Bristol; all I could think was "at least I'll have a couple more years than than poor girl ever got to have". I see this time as a gift and I haven't given up hope that I can keep myself alive long enough for new treatments to come out that will possibly let me control things as a chronic disease rather than as a terminal one. I try not to think about the future I have lost, and concentrate on the immediate present that I have.

NB I should stress that this blog is about helping me to cope emotionally, and NOT about trying to hypnotise myself into a cure for my cancer!